night hawk city.

HaWK//.

i have a few bad habits.

ok. i have a wide variety of bad habits.

we're only going to discuss this specific one right now though.

whenever i hear a song

or watch a movie/hbo/the youTubes.

or read a novel

or listen to a personal story.

i relate the situation to my own life 

instead of hearing it as an unrelated story.

now in my defense, i don't do it cause i'm an asshole.

i am an asshole.

[or at least i've been told that enough so that

i'm finally starting to believe it.]

the reason i do it is because i feel that by relating

someone's personal issues to my own life

i'm able to gain a better understanding of how they

are being affected  emotionally (authentically?)

dr. von breakbeat 

therapist, apparently.

nightHaWK//.

now back to the issue at hand.

i have a serious problem because of it.

it's hard for me to truly enjoy anything for what it's supposed to be.

ex.

when i hear the song 

"Use Somebody" by Kings of Leon

i feel like i'm the one who can use somebody 

& when i hear the song 

"Heart of the City (Ain't No Love)" by Jay-Z

i feel like there really is no love in the heart of the city.

but the city i currently live in.

not brooklyn. (not yet at least.) 

& when i hear the song

"Magneto & Titanium Man'' by Paul McCartney/Wings...

umm.

well, i guess i just kinda think about Magneto.

that's a bad example.

the major question is why can't i get past

the mental block that stops me from enjoying something

as a work of art

or a work of fiction?

why do i have to search & stretch to find connections

between myself & Sean Bateman?

or Thom Yorke

or Daniel Plainview.

or Godzilla.

this is not new.

even when i was younger & in a punk band &

wearing high socks/cargo shorts/skateboarding sneakers 

[even though i can't skateboard]

i'd go/play a show & instead of just watch/listen/spit game at emo-girls

i would just criticize the other band(s) for what

they were doing wrong/what i would do instead.

and still hit on emo-girls.

that never changed.

what can i say, i like glasses, flats & swoopy hair/bangs.

nightHaWKcity//.

total side note.

i almost crashed my car when i looked

at the sign for the east dynasty buffet,

a shitty chinese buffet

in the shitty shopping center 

outside the shitty burbs'.

fucking unreal.