Friday, December 4, 2009

Invisible Sheep: Pt. I

i'm not sure what this will be just yet.
maybe it'll end up being something larger
but for now, it's just something to keep my
mind from exploding during my finals.

enjoy.

Do Survivors Dream of 
Invisible Sheep?
(Part 1: Stand in the Place Where You Live...)
:by Sam Famolaro

            They said maybe it was some sort of biological weapon. Some kind of terrorist super-virus meant to decimate a large portion of the United States; meant to be an “extinction” kind of virus. They said that the terrorists under-estimated how quickly and efficiently the virus would spread. Some people said that it mutated after it was released and became a rampant epidemic like this world had never know.

Some people said it had already spread across the whole planet.
Some people said that it was the Rapture.
Either way, all those people are dead.

To be honest, I don’t remember anything about the so-called “attacks”. Everything I know now is just facts I learned from skimming through whatever newspapers were lining the empty streets of Sandusky, Ohio. I woke up after the car crash in the ICU at the Veteran’s Hospital downtown and my mind has been hazy at best. Everything seems to hum with warm colors and fuzzy translucent outlines. I had only been in the coma for a week, but the way things looked when I regained consciousness I might as well have been in a coma for years. It must have taken me a good two weeks to fully accept that every person on the planet whom I had ever loved was dead; lying in a pool of vomit & blood in the same spot they were when the virus took hold of their central nervous systems. Needless to say, I had very little interest in staying in Sandusky. I needed to know if anyone else is left.

So, on the morning of September 16th, 2010, I packed all the items I felt I could carry into a backpack and my messenger bag, and left Sandusky, Ohio on bicycle heading Northeast. In my messenger bag, I carried a small thin black screwdriver and a laptop computer. At this point the computer is utterly useless, I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to access an kind of electricity, but I can probably take it apart and find use for the parts. And the screwdriver, well… you remember that episode of the Twilight Zone where the guy survives the atomic bomb and goes to the abandoned library to read all the books he never had time to read before the bomb but then he drops his glasses on the library steps when he starts the first book and breaks them? I figure I might as well be prepared; my glasses have the tools necessary to be rebuilt. Faster. Stronger. We have the technology. Plus, besides the small revolver I stole from my old man’s deserted house, that tiny screwdriver is all I have to defend myself from whatever’s left. I don’t believe in zombies or anything, but I’ve read enough “doomsday” novels to know I should be prepared for anything from mutant motorcycle gangs to triffids. In the side pocket, I have a copy of Gustav Meyrink’s the Golem, which I stole from the abandoned Barnes & Nobles in Cleveland, and a half-empty box of bullets. A black Bic lighter, along with a pack of American Spirits I took off of a corpse two towns back, are stowed away in the inside pocked of my jacket. Buried in my backpack are both a glasses case full of glasses and a glasses case full of marijuana. I’ve been allowing myself 45 minutes of music (or one full joint, whichever comes first) a day, but sooner or later, my iPod is going to die and I’ll have to deal with the silence. Today’s album was Remain in Light by the Talking Heads. More than anything I can foresee, I think the silence is what scares me the most. David Byrne keeps singing about how the days go by. I can’t begin to describe the hours spent collecting the tens of thousand of illegally pirated songs that are currently on death row on my rapidly fading iPod. In retrospect, it all seems like such a waste of time, but before the “Rapture,” it was my only real obsession to speak of. Hanging from a clip in my messenger bag is a police-issue Mag-light and a small canteen. I have a heavy scarf, a gold & scarlet San Francisco 49ers beanie hat and an emergency blanket in my backpack in case it gets too cold to sleep at night. Not like I’ve been able to sleep anyways.

If you’ve found this, that means I’m not alone. So, that would be a plus. I made my way as far east as Binghamton, NY before I realized I was fooling myself thinking anyone would be left alive in Manhattan. If my calculations are correct, and I’m sure they’re not incredibly far off, it’s December 17th, 2010. It’s starting to get too cold and too icy to continue going north on bicycle, so I’ve decided to head south to a more reasonable climate. I don’t know quite where I’m going to go, but at the moment, I think I’m heading for Virginia. If anyone is still alive and following my trail, I will do my best to attempt to lead you south. I am not ready to give up hope.

Keep strong and remember
that survival of the species is paramount.
I will continue searching for survivors.
Hopefully. If you’ve found this, you’re not too far behind.


Paul Berger
December 17th, 2010
Trenton, New Jersey
heading due south on Route 95 South
toward Virginia Beach, Virginia.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

My Favorite Album of All-Time... (Pt. I)


this is my favorite album of all-time.
i have always been known to speak in exaggerations,
so i may (and probably will) tell you the same thing
about a variety of other albums as well...
but THIS is the one, the one that changed everything for me...

i was somewhere in the range of 16 years old,
i was in Virginia for a family vacation that i had
no interest on being involved with.
while watching TV, i found this new station 
called MTV2, that actually played music videos
and the first video i saw was "El Scorcho" by Weezer.


Weezer at the time had been a pretty fringe band for me.
i liked the Blue Album alot
& i knew how to play "Say it Ain't So"
but other than that, Weezer was just another
band that wasn't Blink-182.
but that video & that song hit me right in the chest.
right place, right time, right on.

i went out to a now-defunct record store in Utica
& bought the album before i took the train to NYC
to visit my sister & on the 3-hour trip
this album single-handedly changed the way
that i wrote music to this day.

the guitar tone on "Tired of Sex" is so dirty
& "Getchoo" sounds like it was played on a chainsaw.
and it's not to say that the Blue Album wasn't loud,
but when Pinkerton wants to be heavy, it's fuckin' heavy...
Rivers was great back then at
pulling you apart with his lyrics.
everything he said was just so real,
but he was never afraid to sound vulnerable or silly.

& honestly, is there any question that
"Across the Sea" isn't the best sad song ever?

luv weezer
wish they wouldn't put out bullshit anymore.

Monday, November 23, 2009

the informers (an introduction...)

ok, so i guess this is my
first official discussion on the subject.

since i've been at Hunter, i've been unable to play
guitar/sing with a band as much as i've grown accustomed to.
all i've been really been able to do is record
new music on GarageBand by myself.

out of these sessions, i created
a little side project for myself called
the informers

now, i'm very aware that
because i'm only one person, it should be called
"the informer" or "the informant"
but it just didn't sound as good.
...kinda like "the Lone Rangers"

''how can you be lone if there's three of you?"
- ian the shark

that's not really important though...
what is important is that sooner or later,
i'm gonna have to start auditioning
future "informers"to play live with,
and the way it looks
i'm gonna have to be ready before
christmas vacation...

more info on that later....

that being said, let's look at the actual music...

IMPORTANT NOTE:
because of the nature of the tracks,
they are best enjoyed through headphones
as are all the tracks i write.
this is due to the limitations i have in terms of equipment.
so please bare that in mind while listening...


Forget the Golden Times
this is the main project that
i'm working on as the informers.
more than anything else,
i really need to get to a real studio
to record vocals & make some better drum samples.

i'm sure i'll get sued for the artwork choice.
here's a few free tracks for my loyal readers...

Fossils (demo vocals) - download
In Bocca Al Lupo (no vocals) - download


Also...
by absolute dumb luck, i've gotten myself attached
to a Christmas CD done by local musicians in Nyack.
so, i did some recording on a whim last night
& pumped out a wintery dance gem for the Holidays.

i may or may nor make a whole christmas EP,
we'll see how long i can stay in the spirit.

the Dear Santa EP

so guess what?
you get that for free too!
(who love's ya? Uncle Sammy, that's who...)

(Christmas) Baby, Please Come Home - download

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

assorted nonsense II: electric boogaloo

Photo #1: "I bet their coffee tastes likes shit..."


so yesterday, I was walking from the subway
to my cousin's apartment on 34th & 1st in Manhattan.
somewhere along the way, i saw an establishment
with a big neon sign 
& it was called...






that's right...
ASS GRILL.
that seems like a great place to eat, huh?
a nice, hot, steaming plate of meatloaf
from the ASS GRILL sure sounds tasty doesn't it?
stay away from the gravy though...


this is the kind of error that you would imagine
any restaurant or a popular establishment
would fix as it's number one priority.


"what to do today, hmmmm...
order new place mats, check....
re-stock the "no pointy end" toothpicks in the handicap bathroom, check...
change the sign of my restaurant so it no longer reads ASS GRILL in neon letters...
fuck that noise, i'll do it tomorrow."


why do i feel like i've seen something like this before?


no no, not that one..



Yeeaaaaaaah.
"East Nasty Buffet" never gets old...




Photo #2: Godzilla & Mothra go to a baseball game...




"Hey, bro"
"Hey"
"Soooo, I had no idea you were a Red Sox fan when i invited you..."
"Oh, don't worry. I'm not really a "Sox Fan" per say..."
"Wait, what do you mean?"
"I just root for whoever is playing against the Yankees..."
"..."
"what?"
"You're a real piece of shit."
"Do you have any wool?"




Photo #3: Miscellaneous PhotoBooth Picture w/ Effects on it



I call this piece:
"Sam, Dano, Johnny Z. & Maunz Melting
during a Hot Summer Day while
Ingesting Mass Quantities of Opiates"


i think it's crazy that Dano only has one eye
& yet he still manages to looks very chill.
he's totally oblivious to the fact that John kinda looks like
a demon who's vomiting on Maunz's face before he eats him.


BONUS!!!
SHAQTASTIC PHOTO OF THE DAY



"oh yeah, dat's just how da' big Shaq likes it.
Shaq Daddy's gonna give it to ya' rough...
don't try to fight it, just accept the Shaq.
I'm bout to tape dis' here
picture of Kobe to your back...
whether you like it or not...


don't cry & afterwards da' big Shaq will take you
to da' ASS GRILL fer some nice chocolate soft serve"


"tell me how my ASS GRILL tastes..."

Monday, November 16, 2009

Into the Deep [a mediocre attempt at poetry.]

i am a monster...
not the kind of monster that ends worlds
but the kind that ruins lives.
an unseen beast lurking beneath the skin of a man.

maybe you have seen me before
somewhere deep inside yourself
in the places you dare not look;
buried beneath acrid smoke & heavy breathing.

or maybe i am alone
maybe i'm one of a kind or simply one of a few.
in constant struggle to keep it inside
& shield the ones i love from it's destructive capabilities.

and so, with head held low
i hide in a crowd of infinite numbers
safe in the cover of anonymity
constantly holding back the darkness that i know lurks within.

...until i reach the water.

and suddenly, all attempt at restraint become futile
as my mind goes blank & my darker side gains control.
calm yourself & accept that what you see before you is real
& hold back everything that clouds your emotions.

only you can stop this looming premonition.
make sharp your sword & make clean your spirit
& prepare to do what is necessary...

the time is at hand for you to accept
that you'll never amount to the thoughts in your head
& before you go searching for names in the stars
remember who showed you how lucky you are.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

A Tale of Three Cities.

yeah, i know.

it's been a hot minute since i've written anything.
i can't blame anyone but myself though.
i've been so bogged down with school, homework & my job
that i honestly haven't even given my poor blog a second thought.

hell, even right now the only reason i'm writing
anything is cause i'm in English & i'm bored with the lecture.

school is a blog for another day, though.
(hopefully, not a day a month & a half from now)

so let's get down to what's really wrong.

City #1: Utica, NY

(formally Space 27 a.k.a the Ugly Yellow House)

(in Utica, I'm always looking for ghosts...)
I never thought i would say the words... "i miss Utica, NY"
and i'm not going to say them now.
...because i don't.
Utica is a dying & if you ask anyone still there,
they will tell you the same thing
but for whatever reason, Utica has the ability to make you stay.
it allows you to be comfortable in mediocrity
because it's so easy to just get by.
i'll be honest, i was more than content for a time doing nothing but
working my minimum wage job,
smoking more weed than anyone should ever smoke,
playing guitar & turning into a nicotine-stained insomniac.
but after a while it just started to depress me.
it started to wear me down
& once Jay was gone
& the band wasn't my first priority
all i had left was 23 years of bad decisions
& fractured relationships.

that being said...
i do very much miss the friends i made in my time there.
the friendships (& one relationship in particular) that i forged in Utica
were amazing to say the least.
my friends were diverse & funny & carried me from day-to-day.
i was so depressed by the time i decide
to leave that somedays the only thing that
got me out of bed in the morning (late afternoon)
was the thought of a midday round of Par3 with Steve & Dano
or a high-ride with Kevin & Nate.
as of yet i've yet to create any relationships in Nyack that can compare
to even my most mid-level friendships i had in Utica...
which brings me to my next city...


City #2: Nyack, NY

(If Utica is Hell & NYC is Heaven... Nyack is my purgatory, so please pray for me)

you ever take a long plane trip somewhere that you really wanted to go?
like Aruba, or DisneyLand or Amsterdam or Jurassic Park (in theory)?
but instead of flying straight there you have to make a layover stop for
a few hours in some hellhole like Gary, Indiana or Linden, NJ...
or Gary, Indiana?

that's kinda how i feel about Nyack.
just get me to Jurassic Park already.

lemme' just say right off the bat, Nyack is an OK town.
i have no real issue with it.
it's heavily democratic & all the people seem nice enough.
the music scene is better than Utica's was & the bars stay open
until 4am which i find to be mind-blowing.
plus, every night i get to come home to play with this lovely darlin'...

(she takes after Uncle Sammy... it took me hours to get those shades back)

but i wasn't supposed to be here.
this was never the plan. (at least not in my head)
that's literally what goes through my head as i go to work
...or sit on the bus
...or have dinner with my sister & the kids
...or lay in bed at night
i'm not supposed to be here.
i'm supposed to be in New York City.
that's the only reason i left. period.

if anything it's the commute that going to kill me.
quick summary of my life in Nyack...

1. wake up, take the car to the park & ride (6:30am)
2. get on the bus to manhattan (7:00am)
3. take 2 subways from the bus station to hunter (8:15am)
4. classes (9:45am -3:30pm, depending on the day)
5. back on the bus (4:15pm)
6. back in Nyack (5:15pm)
7. waiting tables in Nyack (6:00pm - 1am)
8. homework, bowl, bed (2:15am)
& repeat indefinitely until i lose my fuckin' mind.
and so despite the fact that Nyack isn't that bad,
i already harbor an excessive amount of malice towards it.
& as it stands right now, i only have one way out...


City# 3: New York, NY

(it's up to you, New York, New York...)

ah. yes... the big apple....
the concrete jungle...
the city of a million stories...
if you can make it here you can make it anywhere...
etc
etc.
etc.

the city that never sleeps...
which it why it always looks like shit in the morning.
(somehow, i can relate)
When i was about 15ish, my sisters both moved to New York City.
they had an apartment on Roosevelt Island & it was awesome.
i would go visit them & they would take me to all these amazing places.
they would ask me what i wanted to go see
& i would tell them i just wanted to walk around...

let's get one thing straight...
i am not a country person.
i hate being in the wide open spaces
because the silence is deafening.
i need to hear the sounds of the world outside when i go to sleep.
i want car horns & the sounds of the teaming masses
to sing me to sleep every night.
i want a little place in Greenpoint that i can forge a future for myself in
& for whatever reason it hasn't come to be just yet.



i'm so tired i can barely stand it...
my body aches every minute of everyday
& my head is so hazed over sometimes that i can't think straight

it makes me wanna breakdown & quit.
but i'm not going to...
if nothing else i need to prove that i can do this on my own.
even if it kills me.

because on days like today...
when the playlist is good
& the autumn air is crisp in Bryant Park
& the sun is shining
i remember why i wanted to be here in the first place.

it's dirty & crowded & polluted & dangerous & expensive
& i love it more than you can imagine & that's what pulls me through...
it really is the greatest city in the world
& it's where i need to be.


Monday, August 24, 2009

Coming Clean.

let there be much rejoicing.

the alias is no more...
so for the 2 people who didn't know who
"Baron Von Breakbeat" really was...

well, you're dumb.

my name is Sam Famolaro.
& this is the first day of the rest of my blog.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Extinction Theory.


so, i guess by writing this,
i'm contradicting the whole point
of what i'm about to say.


but i ain't 'fraid of no ghosts.
let's do it, to it.

i haven't thought about you in months.
even though i've talked to you
& even though you've crossed my mind,
it doesn't feel the same.
i used to sit home & think about the future.
"i wonder if she's gonna come back"
"how long can i honestly wait for her?"

but lately, the questions have changed.
i don't think about when you're coming back.
i think about whether or not i gave it all i could.
& i don't think about how long i can wait for you.
cause if i'm sure of anything anymore,
it's the fact that i've finally stopped waiting.

some one asked me last week,
"do you still love her?"

i don't really know.
i guess i'll always love her.
i'll love her for all the things she made me realize about myself.
& i'll love her for all the good times we used to have.
but falling in love with your memories
doesn't help you stay warm at night.


so as people we move on.
we bury ourselves in work.
we pretend we're invincible.
we get high.
we write music.
(we blog about it & hope you actually read it?)
we do what we need to do to feel normal.
some people just have a different definition of normal.

i'm moving out of my apartment today.
off to a far away land.
a land where i can't smoke weed in the living room
or stay awake watching infomercials until 6am.
to a land where i don't have wireless internet
& all the doors lock/unlock without having the need to viciously
swear at the key/locking mechanism for hours before it
magically decides to work.
a land where every room has "working over-head lighting".
but do ya' know what the best part is?
after i lug all my shit up there
after i spend three weeks trying to readjust to my surroundings
after i start to get comfortable...
i get to do it all over again.

fuckin' awesome.
i get a three-week vacation in my own personal hellhole.

things had better start to change for me.
& it needs to change soon.
i'm starting to feel older
but not necessarily wiser.
i'm starting to feel bigger
but not particularly stronger.

i've become slow & steady
& yet somehow, i'm still losing the race.


i also need to quit smoking.
these cigarettes are killing me.

i'll see ya'll soon, ok?














i take it all back.
temporary insanity.
what a twist!

(...and scene.)

Friday, July 31, 2009

You're Gonna Need a Bigger Boat.

anti-shark cage?
you go inside the cage?
cage goes in the water.
you go in the water.
shark's in the water.
our shark...
farewell & adieu to you, fair spanish ladies.
farewell & adieu, you ladies of spain.
for we've received orders for to sail back to boston.
& so nevermore shall we see you again.

oh hey, i didn't see you come in.
pull up a seat...
Every week should be Shark Week.

as a nerd for educational programming,
shark week is like the holy grail of television.
it really has everything that i ever need
in terms of shark-related education.

it's like i called the Discovery Channel
& said to the producers...
"Hey, can i see schools of mysterious
hammerhead sharks hunting for pray?"
yeah, we can do that.
"oh, well can i see survivors of shark attacks showing
off there wounds & telling there survival stories?"
no problem bulk brogan, we got you covered.
this is awesome! great white sharks leaping out of the water?
yes we can.... & yes we will.

well fuckin' alright.
that's change i can believe in.


slow ahead? i can go slow ahead.
why don't you come down here & chum some of this shit?


if you can't tell, my love of sharks
comes primarily from the 1975 classic Jaws
& the fact that i am absolutely terrified by open water.
both the film & the real thing.
(fun fact: i can't swim very well)
i think the idea of being in a sharks territory
with no way to defend myself is what gets me the most.
& yeah, i've hear all the advice...
oh, you can punch it in the nose & it'll go away.
just poke it in eye, it'll leave you be.
well guess what random person
with shark advice i didn't ask for.
i hope this happens to you.

yeah... you give that shark a good punch now, asshole.

a giant shark is not totally a fictional concept.
in prehistoric times, ancestors of modern sharks,
such as the Megalodon, grew up to 59 feet long
& were apex predators of the Milocene Era Oceans.

now, i'm sure that there are no Megalodons left.
but the oceans are deep & i can't hold my breath.
so, i'm gonna stay on the safe side & chill on the boardwalk.
maybe get myself a hotdog/lamb gyro.
oh yeah...
love the boardwalk.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Godzilla vs. Ed Rooney


fuckin epic right?
more like epic fail.

From 1978-1981
the Hanna-Barbera company produced a series of Godzilla cartoons
to cash in on the growing popularity of the franchise with all the kiddies.
at the time, the 30-minute cartoon was run in
conjunction with other famous
Hanna-Barbera characters such as...
-Hong-Kong Phooey
-Dynomutt
-Jana of the Jungle
-the Harlem Globetrotters...

yeah, that makes a whole bunch of sense right?

all things considered, it's not a bad cartoon.
but it doesn't have much to do with the Godzilla movies.
the general concept revolves around a team of
scientists & a random kid who travel around in a boat
lookin' for crazy shit.
for whatever reason, they have a button that makes Godzilla
appear & beat the shit out of whatever he finds.
my major issues with the series, even as a kid, was that it
made no effort to make it look like the Toho series of movies.
there are no famous Toho monsters for Godzilla to battle,
just random stock monsters from around the world.
Godzilla doesn't breath blue-radiation, now it's just straight fire.
plus for whatever reason, he has eye lasers....
yeah, ...like Superman.
but believe me,
there's another reason i hated this cartoon as a kid.


oh yeah.
fuckin' Godzooky...
the creators apparently wanted a "cute, cuddly" version
of Godzilla, so what we got was Godzooky.
basically, the bastard child of Godzilla & Scooby-Doo
Godzooky is by far the most annoying character on the show.
Jar Jar Binks thinks Godzooky sucks for god's sake.
i'm not surprised as i get older why the concept
of a Godzilla cartoon never took off.


cause honestly,
Godzilla fans like me only needed one Godzilla cartoon...

classic.

on a side note...
i figured out a way they could have made
the 1998 tristar Godzilla movie not only watchable, but awesome...
make it a sequel to Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
think about it for a second...
Ferris has grown up & now works for the Nuclear Regulatory Commission.
he comes to New York after taking a long overdue sick day.
Pan to the city where we discover that
Sloan is now a struggling TV reporter in Manhattan
& Cameron is her bumbling cameraman/platonic-bro.
They met up for a reunion lunch,
when suddenly a shitty looking, badly animated Godzill-iguana
show's up to ruin a parade downtown.
thankfully, Ed Rooney has quit his job as a principle
& now works for the French Secret Service.
Ed leads Ferris, Cameron & Sloan in a daring chase through the city
(obviously using Camerons' Fathers recently purchased replacement Ferrari)
until, when all seems lost, Jennifer Grey shows up to Save Ferris.
(get it?! Save Ferris?!...nevermind.)
she grows to enormous proportions & kicks Godzilla in the face.
Godzilla stumbles into the water & never returns.
Ferris & Sloan run off to get married.
Cameron goes back home to wait for his dad & tell him about his car.
Jennifer Grey goes back to having no career
Ed Rooney gets arrested for kiddie porn
...and there is much rejoicing.

we can call it Ferris Bueller's Day On (As a Dinosaur Hunter...)

either way, it sounds like a far more interesting film, right?
sounds like a million-dollar idea if you ask me.
i know i'd go see that movie.


you know what...
Godzilla is just misunderstood.
he's not evil,
he just wants to get his tail wet.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

check out this here panda.

Dear Ya'll,
it's me.
the big shaq diesel.
i love pandas.
i bought this here panda.
straight cash.
the big shaq always gets paid.
me & LeeBrawn, gonna train this panda.
to play shooting guard.
give us a deep scoring threat...

and also gonna teach it the kung-fu.

new nickname alert
the Shaq-Fu Panda.

gotta go.

Sincerely Yours.
the Shaq-Fu Panda.