Extinction Theory.

so, i guess by writing this,
i'm contradicting the whole point
of what i'm about to say.

but i ain't 'fraid of no ghosts.
let's do it, to it.

i haven't thought about you in months.
even though i've talked to you
& even though you've crossed my mind,
it doesn't feel the same.
i used to sit home & think about the future.
"i wonder if she's gonna come back"
"how long can i honestly wait for her?"
but lately, the questions have changed.
i don't think about when you're coming back.
i think about whether or not i gave it all i could.
& i don't think about how long i can wait for you.
cause if i'm sure of anything anymore,
it's the fact that i've finally stopped waiting.

some one asked me last week,
"do you still love her?"

i don't really know.
i guess i'll always love her.
i'll love her for all the things she made me realize about myself.
& i'll love her for all the good times we used to have.
but falling in love with your memories
doesn't help you stay warm at night.

so as people we move on.
we bury ourselves in work.
we pretend we're invincible.
we get high.
we write music.
(we blog about it & hope you actually read it?)
we do what we need to do to feel normal.
some people just have a different definition of normal.

i'm moving out of my apartment today.
off to a far away land.
a land where i can't smoke weed in the living room
or stay awake watching infomercials until 6am.
to a land where i don't have wireless internet
& all the doors lock/unlock without having the need to viciously
swear at the key/locking mechanism for hours before it
magically decides to work.
a land where every room has "working over-head lighting".
but do ya' know what the best part is?
after i lug all my shit up there
after i spend three weeks trying to readjust to my surroundings
after i start to get comfortable...
i get to do it all over again.

fuckin' awesome.
i get a three-week vacation in my own personal hellhole.

things had better start to change for me.
& it needs to change soon.
i'm starting to feel older
but not necessarily wiser.
i'm starting to feel bigger
but not particularly stronger.

i've become slow & steady
& yet somehow, i'm still losing the race.

i also need to quit smoking.
these cigarettes are killing me.

i'll see ya'll soon, ok?














i take it all back.
temporary insanity.
what a twist!

(...and scene.)