History Lessons II: the Reckoning

Before I begin...
I guess it's sort of ironic that my blog is named after 
the most famous presidential assassin in our nations history
& the top photo of this post is just "Giant Lincoln Head".
(it was between that title & "target practice"... HI-YO!)


Following my last post, i decided it was time to kick-start
my love of History again by putting down my textbooks & embarking 
on a NYC History Adventure which I came to refer to as...


Sam's "Historically-based" NYC Museum Adventure Day-Fest


...I figured i'd come up with a better name later on, 
but I never did.
(not surprisingly, I said the same thing about "JohnWilkesBlog") 


So, after my last class on friday
I took a lovely stroll across Central Park on
the way to the NY Historical Society.
It was absolutlely gorgeous out & the fresh air did wonders.
I've been very cooped up in the last 2 months.
Plus, not having any of my good bros around has left me
slightly depressed...


Depressed is the wrong word, 
but it's the first one that comes to mind.


To tell the truth, I was required to go the NYHS to see a 
John Brown/Harper's Ferry exhibition for my History 151 class.
But i had a very good time there, 
so much of a good time that i decided to continue my
day of historical entertainment by taking the short
walk down the street to my favorite museum of all-time,
the American Museum of Natural History.


this 6-hour learning extravaganza was vital to 
getting myself excited about history again 
& was honestly the most fun i've had so far, 
since I moved to Brooklyn.


So, let's take a look at the sights & sounds
(mostly sights, not so many sounds) 
of my day on 'Museum Mile'...

This male Iroquois indian is no joke...
of course, spending a few Upstate, NY winters 
in a longhouse was probably no laughing matter,
but i think that makes them even more badass.
... i think the next band i start is gonna be called 
Iroquois
it's just a 'kewl' word.

this is the fossil remains of a 
Mammut Americanum (American Mastodon).
I'm a sucker for fossils, so you should know
that the remainder of my photos are from the fossil halls. 
Anyhow, this mastodon was scary big & cool as hell.

"Well, that's just great... You hear that, Ed? 

Bears...
Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy..."


I believe Cave Bears (Ursus Spelaeus) would rule the world. 
Seriously, thank god all the Cave Bears are extinct 
because that thing is terrifying.

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE!!!!

technically, it's a Prehistoric Elk (Megaloceros Giganteus) 

...I think.

either way, that's all i got for this one. 

next!

Don't be fooled, this is not prehistoric.

Shredder killed Leonardo & sent his remains to the museum.

R.I.P Leonardo (1984 - 2010)

Cowabunga,Dude. You will be missed.

This handsome fellow here is an Allosaurus (Allosaurus Fragilis).

I think about people in the times before paleontology was a real science

who must have found bones like this 

& been absolutely dumbstruck/terrified.

That's also my theory for why everyone 

believed in Dragons & Monsters in Medieval Europe. 

They would just find something like this in the ground

& it would get their imaginations stirring with thoughts of 

giant monsters out in the wilderness, 

guarding mountains of gold with their fiery breath & killing

any knights who would dare hunt them down.

Speaking of famous Knights,

one of the coolest things about the Allosaur fossil on display at AMNH

is that the pose is based directly on a painted by Charles R. Knight.

Knight was a Brooklyn-born artist whose paintings of dinosaurs

& various other prehistoric beasts were some of the earliest visuals 

the public would ever know of these strange & mysterious creatures.

here are a few more Knight images that i enjoy...

(note: this Tyrannosaurus is now considered anatomically incorrect)

So, let's recap what we learned here today:

- Sometimes, history needs to be experienced outside of textbooks

- Dinosaurs/Indians/Cavebears/Lincoln's Giant Head = Pretty Badass

- Leonardo is dead, Shredder killed him.

- MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE!!!!

- Life is better when it's spring in Central Park.

In Closing, everyone really should go visit 

the American Museum of Natural History, 

It truly is far too big to see in one day. 

I personally missed out on the "Hall of North American Mammals" 

as well as "the Hall of Oceanic Life"... 

But i guarantee i'll be back.

sooner than later.

...come on, it's full of dinosaurs!

...beets.

"Office Musik" (Clockwork Edit) - Lil' Wayne vs Dwight K. Schrute

"Is This Love" - Bob Marley & the Wailers

"I Want You to Know" - Dinosaur Jr.

"Ain't No Grave" - Johnny Cash

"Given to Fly" - Pearl Jam

History Lessons

Maybe I should quit trying to be a history teacher...


or maybe not, i don't really know anymore.


That's may be a tad bit too pessimistic though, 
I would honestly love to teach history for a living.
i just don't love being in college until i'm 27.
I'm too impatient to get the the end.


History teacher is on the short-list 
of jobs that i would be happy doing.
And believe me when I say, it truly is a short-list.


So, besides history teacher, here are a few assorted jobs
that i could happily do for the rest of my life.

1. Paleontologist - Besides my well-pronounced love for dinosaurs 
& the fact that, to this day, I still retain more dinosaur knowledge 
than i'll ever possibly be able to use 
outside of this profession anyhow, 
the idea of spending my time in the Great Basin, 
searching for bones in the hot, dusty sunshine all day appeals to me. 
I've been a rather high-stress person as of late, 
but i feel like i could relax out in the fresh air.

2. BaseballWriter/Sportswriter - Even though i may not look like it,
I harbor a deep love for all things sports. 
I do mean 'all-sports' too, (except NASCAR) 
I try not limit myself to just one. 


That being said, I love baseball so much that it boggles my mind.
I watch spring training games & read rumor sheets constantly.
I can spend hours reading the Yankees platoon outfield situation. 
And not only do i love to watch it & read about it, 
I absolutely love to talk about. 
 I'm always down to discuss the WHIP of NL Central starting pitchers, 
Or debate the importance of Batting Average as compared to OPS.


So i guess, it would be great to have a job that incorporates 
something i spend so much time reading about voluntarily, anyhow.  

3. Professional Wrester - This has more of a physical issue involved. 
I feel like If I had been born maybe... six inches taller, 
i would have already attempted to be a wrestler. 
I feel like i'm clever enough to come up with funny shit to say.
Plus, i'm well known to be able to take a good beating.


Oh, my wrestling name would be "Eddie Coffin"
and I would wear this mask.


I might buy that mask, regardless.

4. Eggplant Wizard - ...Beware my Eggplant Curse.




...also, beats.

"History Lesson, Pt. II" - Minutemen
"Stereo" (Remastered) - Pavement
"Plastic Beach (feat Paul Simon & Mick Jones)" - Gorillaz
"All the Money I Had is Gone" - the Deep Dark Woods
"Real Life" - Tanlines

the Board Game Blog.

My mom loves board games...

Even to this very day, she buys at least one family board game 

every year for the holidays & everyone 

is required to play in and enjoy it.

Naturally, this meant i had a whole lot of board games

when i was a kid and to be honest, some of them where pretty

random, to say the least...

So, we're gonna take a trip down memory lane this morning

& take a look at....

Sam Famolaro's

Ten Most Memorable Board Games

from Back in the Day...

10. the Godzilla Game

Mattel (1978)

Let's be honest...

did you think this list wasn't 

going to contain at least one Godzilla reference?

I remember buying this game at a garage sale for $3

when i was a little kid, even thought it didn't work.

i really just wanted the box.

I also like how they tried to edit this pic to make 
it looks like Godzilla is just bro'ing out with these kids

...

while eating a spaceship.

and these kids are just totally oblivious to him 
cause the game is clearly way too much fun.

9. Tornado Rex

Parker Bros (1991)

Yeah, kinda random right? 

I don't think i remember any of my other friends

having this game, as a kid.

And i don't remember anyone wanting to buy it

once they played it at my house, either.

Here is the premise in a nutshell.

You play as 'generic explorer' walking up a plastic hill

until Tornado Rex (basically a C-List Tazmanian-Devil knock-off)

comes out of his cave to

FUCK. YOU. UP!!!!

like so...

That's literally the whole game.

hazzah.

8. Happy Days

Parker Bros (1976)

The only thing that matters in the Happy Days game

is to show Fonzie how coooool you really are.

And how do you do that?

well, you collect 'cool points' my good sir.

What's a cool point, you say?

that's actually irrelevant...

And how does one go about acquiring said cool points?

why, you polish Fonzie's motorcycle of course.

...Aaaaaaay!

on a side note, unless you enjoy being ridiculed unmercifully

DO NOT play the Happy Days game with these men...

...Heeeeey Neeeeeerds!

7. Crossfire
Milton Bradley (1971)

I could sit here & explain to you how
Crossfire works & why it's the balls...


but this is so much better than anything i could write myself...





Crossfiyaaaaaaaaaah!!!


brilliant.
Did Don Dokken direct that commercial?


that's the best thing, I ever saw.




6. Pop-O-Matic Trouble
Kohner Bros (1965)

Alright! Now we're talking.
My neighbor Kaitlyn used to come over at least twice a week 
to play Trouble with me.


why?
cause it was fucking fun, that's why.


Trouble, however is one of those games,
much like Sorry or Monopoly,
that needs to be played with people you have patience with
because you WILL get annoyed after you've been bumped
back to the start for the fifth straight time by your stupid
older sister who keeps picking on you & stealing your dinosaur
fruit snacks, cause her & her friends got high at the mall earlier.


...


you know what, let's just move on.




5. the Grape Escape
Parker Bros (1992)

Ahh, the Great Escape.
The game that made me a wino.


This game was kinda like Mouse Trap in the way
that i don't remember ever actually playing the game,
so much as just building the traps 
& killing the Play-Doh Grape people.





doesn't this seem a little similar to the game 'Splat!'?
let's compare the two....




hmmmm....
moving on.

4. Dizzy Dizzy Dinosaur

Pressman Toys (1987) 

This game holds a special place in my heart
for a variety of reasons.

1. It has a dinosaur in it.
2. I like dinosaurs.

...that's it actually.



Surprisingly, I still have a the wind-up dinosaur
and it still works. 
So well, in fact, that the Dinosaur
(I'd imagine his name is probably Dizzy)
made an appearance in the 'DinoBros' videos.






3. Nightmare (a.k.a Atmosfear)
A Couple 'A Cowboys PTY (1991)

Oh man, i used to love this game.


If you're familiar with the game Nightmare
you're already aware of how terrifying it is
with it's live-action video host, the Gatekeeper.


if you're NOT familiar with the game
please, do yourself a favor & watch the first few minutes of
the video, that you're required to watch as you play the game.





...YES, MY GATEKEEPER!!!!!


oh my god.
i almost shit my pants that was so scary...

ok, so once you've moved out of the golden age-range
for a game like this, say 11-14 years old, it's comes off as kinda hokey.

This is a hard game to find now-a-days, but if you do come across it
& you have a few good bros who are wiling to play with the lights off
and not take the game too seriously, it's actually pretty entertaining.


2. Shark Attack
Milton Bradley (1988)

As you may know, i'm both terrified & intrigued by sharks.
When I was a little kid, i was so terrified by the movie 'Jaws'
that when i'd play this game & when the shark started to catch up with
my fish, i would get legitimately frantic.

...of course, i was a little nerd.


on a side note, Shark Attack wins my award for 'best game jingle'.





"Shark! Shark! Shark Attack.
This shark eats like a maniac."

Wow.
That's spectacular.
That could not have possibly taken them 
more than ten minutes to come up with.
Bravo, Milton Bradley. Bravo.

and god forbid you LOSE at Shark Attack...

"here's to swimmin' with bow-legged women..."

but, by now you must be asking...
"Sam, what game can possible be better than Shark Attack?"


well get ready, cause it's a classic...





1. Mall Madness
Milton Bradley (1988)

Yeah, i know it's a 'girls' game
but i had two older sisters
and boy, did they love to spend fake money.


And fuck all that 'counting', like in Monopoly.
Counting cash is for suckers.
Mall Madness cuts out all the bullshit & 
just gives you a fuckin' credit card.


That's right, kids.
Learn horrible money-managing skills at a young age.


seriously, just watch this...







Mall madness is the reason that the 
terrorists hate America.


catch ya'll later.